The Choices And Regrets Of William Blake English Literature Essay
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There are moments in our lives that we find ourselves at a crossroad; terrified, confused and without directions. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our lives. William Blake once wrote: There are things that are known and things that are unknown and in between there are doors. But of course when faced with the unknown we tend to take the easy way out; we turn around and go back. And halfway back to the beginning is when we learn the word 'regrets'. Regrets come in all shapes, it may be petty like doing the wrong thing for the right reason or as significant as letting down a friend. Some people look too eagerly towards the future that they don't have time to recognize regret and some eludes them by making a choice for in truth, regrets lies not in what we have done but in the things we did not do. What is done is done, we did what we can and that's the reason why the 'what if's' hurt the most because we were not able to let ourselves do anything at all.
If there's one thing I ever regret in my life it was the time I first learned the phrase "next time" cause that's also when I learned that next time will never make up for last time. I was seven and I just got accused of doing something I didn't do and I was so afraid of my mom that I just admitted it so as for her not to know. I did not do it but I said I did and the worst part was that I apologized for it without any ounce of hesitation because I thought I was without a choice. How was I to know better? I was only seven. I was seven when my faith in people was stolen, when I learned that the world is not a fairytale; that there are no Cinderella's and poor princesses because somewhere, inside of everyone, silently hides a wicked witch. It was the first life lesson I ever learned; there are those moments when evil tramples good and the righteous must cower in defeat.
I never made the same mistake ever again, I never admitted or apologized for the things I did not do. I do not even apologize for the things I did that I do not think were wrong and that was my second lesson; people do the things they do because they are the right thing to do at that moment. I learned this when I was 11 years old. I was in fifth grade, and for the first time I sneaked out to go to the mall and watch a movie. My mom never learned about it, I guess she still doesn't know. I didn't apologize, I didn't tell; it was what I did at that moment when "later" and "a while ago" didn't exist. Forget the past, don't worry about the future and live like your dying, right?
When I was in sixth grade I fed my classmate to the sharks to save myself. I made it appear that the bright idea was hers and not mine without actually saying it; I learned the wonders of rephrasing and to this day it still never ceases to amaze me how the simple choice of words can make whatever you want be the truth to anyone. I didn't regret what I did and I still don't, I saved myself and she got out of it anyway. I thought myself a valuable lesson that day; 'Fiducia Nessuno', trust nobody, for even your shadow leaves you in the darkness.
In high school, during my freshman year, my adviser hated me and I have our whole class to back me up on this. He would always call on me and ask me the hardest questions or coerce me to ask a question myself, he would even go as far as making snide remarks at my expense but I was never once fazed, instead I made a conscious effort to be prepared for anything he throws at me in academics and brush of his rudeness like a pro. Thanks to him I ended up being in the top ten without the need of being one of the honours. I guess there will always be those people who would want to see you down on your knees and you must never give them that satisfaction. Look them in the eyes; they are no better than you.
A few years had gone and come around and before I realized it I was already marching for graduation. I ask myself where the years went. What happened to them? Did they even happen at all? Stephen King once wrote: "Time takes it all, whether you want it to or not. Time takes it all, time bears it away, and in the end there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again". Pain doesn't hurt when it's all you've ever known, when you can't remember a moment that it wasn't there, it becomes you and then one day you feel something wrong, something so unfamiliar that it completely blows you away and it takes a moment for the realization to hit you like a ton of brick; you are happy. I look around me and see the faces of people I have come to know and suddenly "Fiducia Nessuno" doesn't ring as true as it once did. Somewhere along the callous road to where I am now standing I somehow managed to stumble upon the things I lost. Trust and faith crept in unnoticed.
I look at their faces and tears started to stream down my face. I never admitted it to anyone, not even to myself; I have grown to love them. These people who have helped and hurt me, who have pushed and pulled me, the people who lend their hand to shape and mould the person I am. So it may be true that it doesn't matter much who we are but who we become; do we stay as we are or de we let our self grow? It takes a lot of pain and tears, a lot of heartache and broken promises, stolen innocence and shattered faith but it all comes through in the end, and it's all worth the fall. Robert Louis Stevenson once said, "You cannot run away from weakness; you must sometimes fight it out or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?" Everyone shall and would have already fallen once in their life, and only in this crucial moment can we truly realize our potential for greatness for only when we are tested that we truly uncover who we are and it´s only when we are tested that we discover who you can be.
In learning about my new found tenderness and heart I pushed further, trying to find just how far I could actually go; I decided to dream. When the results of the Ateneo College Entrance Test came out I was placed on the waiting list and clearly this fact did nothing to deter my determination. I did not get a yes, true, but it was not a no either. Somewhere between getting in and failing lies the hope of reaching a dream, there lays the chance up for the taking and I took that chance with all the courage I can come up with within me putting aside the fact that I can get my heart crushed once again. Nella vita- chi non risica-non rosica; in life, nothing ventured, nothing gained. You have to take the chance, grab the opportunity for something better, for something bigger than yourself. Everything may not be meant to be but all of it is worth a shot. I may have been hardened by life's cruelties but at the heart of my soul I am glad to know that my ability to dream, to forgive and to believe have not vanished like I always thought it had. I dreamed, I hoped and I did what I can and what I must and I was rewarded.
Most of our lives are like series of images passing us by like cars on freeways and there are those magic moments when what unfolds is more than just a fleeting image but a whole story, a revelation, a realization and we know that those moments will, every part of it, live inside of us forever. Nothing in life is easy as nothing is free but the price to pay is always worth it in the end. E.E. Cummings once wrote: 'To be nobody but yourself- in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.' The greatest mistake one can commit is to lose her heart in a sea of cruelty and callousness with a throng of people desperate for one. The one lesson I have learned, surpassing any others I have gained from the past, is to hold on to my heart for no matter what solitude envelopes the world, the heart will always give you the strongest weapon of all; hope.
